1 Month!

**Disclaimer on typos: I'm still surviving on small chunks of sleep. This post will have lots of grammatical errors and typos.**

1 month. It always flies by on our dry erase calendar in our closet. It's crazy how fast a month can seem and how a month in a baby's life can completely change them. In one month our lives have been completely changed as well. There have been fabulous days and there have been days where we literally just take them one feeding at a time and one rocking at a time. So far I have kept my goal of showering every day (I dream big!) and thanks to a wonderful husband, I have also kept my goal of cooking real meals during the week. Some nights this has just been pasta and marinara sauce with a salad, but it feels good to know that we're not just eating take out during this crazy time. Meal planning in the past has definitely helped us make this possible. Bigger meals are now cooked on Sundays and faster things happen at the end of the work week. She has taken my planning skills to the next level!

Emmy has completely changed from the day we met her. As each day passes her focus on objects increases. She regularly holds her head up for longer periods of time, and she's starting to coo on occasion. Her attention span has increased as well and she's starting to want to spend more time laying on her back just looking around. Most of the time when she wakes up there is about a 5 minute window of happiness before she lets us know she's ready to eat. Sometimes though, that window is longer and she's fun to just talk to while she's hanging out on the changing table. Last night we read her a short story during her last feeding before bed and I found her following along to the page I would point to. This is something that did not happen last week and we think it's pretty awesome.

She tends to fight sleep during the day and the only reason we can think of her doing this is because there's so much for her to look around and see now. At times this can be frustrating, because a tired baby is not a happy one, but prayer gets us through these moments. She's starting to really focus on Einstein and if he gets too close to her she swats him with her flying hands!

I always knew I wanted to be a mom and have a family. When Tony and I met and started dating, we knew we had the same goals in life. He really looked forward to being a father and a husband and I could tell by his patience and kindness that he would be a fabulous one. Family is everything to him. We have spent a great deal of time this past month just reviling in what God has blessed us with-the great, the tough, and the poopy. All the time we both spent growing up and imagining getting married, owning a home, and having a family we never knew exactly what it would look like. It's not always easy, it's not always fancy or "exciting" as most would classify, but it's the coolest thing we've ever done. When she naps at night or during the weekend we have fun spending time together just he and I-whether it be catching up on tv shows or just talking. When Emmy was 1-2 weeks old this wasn't even possible and I remember crying to him that we were never going to have time together again. I'm thankful for my good friends and the advice they gave me to just hang in there. It does get better-sometimes so slowly that if you're stuck in the middle of it you almost don't even notice it. Each day she shows us just a little bit more of her independence. I can tell she's going to be a fiery one like her momma and this slightly terrifies me...

Here are pictures of her milestones this month.

birthday

1 week old

2 weeks old

3 weeks old

4 weeks old

I can't believe how much she's changed! I'm so thankful to be a part of her life. In the one month since I've had the pleasure of meeting her-I've changed. I now know the momma bear feeling my mom always described when raising me. I feel instant guilt when I leave her for even an hour. I wish I could take every pain away from her and I want to show her the world all at once while protecting her from ever feeling pain. One month in I can feel a strong love that I worried in the beginning wouldn't come so quickly. I look at her and see both her father and I and that is enough to know I will always protect her. One month in and I know that my most important job in life is to make sure she is a good and loving person-someone who makes other people feel better just by being around her. I want her to be an honest and giving person-someone who isn't blinded by nice things and the desire to be popular-but rather, someone that feels for people and wants to give back. I have so many hopes for her and I know in my heart I have to be the best version of myself every day for this to reflect in her. It's a crazy feeling that creeped up on me one feeding at a time, one lullaby at a time, and one diaper change at a time.

Life on the other side

Well we did it! We made it to life on the other side with Emmy. Today she is three weeks old and wow, have these 3 weeks been a learning experience. In honor of her three week birthday here are three things I have learned:


1. Who you marry defines what kind of life you will have. I have found that Tony is the single most selfless, patient, and loving man I know. He doesn't think twice about night time feedings, holding Emmy when she's crying in his arms for long periods of time, or walking the dog/making breakfast/feeding her a bottle/changing her diaper/and encouraging me all before 6am. God did so good when he brought him to me. I have fallen in love with this man harder and harder each day.



2. No book can compare you for being a new mom. You can reference Google 50 times in one day, talk to 5 different moms, read "your baby this week" again and again and you will still just have to go it alone in some cases. I've learned a little bit of fear is great-a lot of fear will cripple you. I'm FINALLY starting to learn that these things are all good guides, but sometimes you just have to back away and figure it out on your own.



3. No one can prepare you for what kind of love you will feel for your baby. It takes time to develop this relationship and I am completely ok with that. It is a mostly give (on my end) and take (on her end) relationship in the beginning and this will break your selfish ways one cry at a time. Tony and I will finally sit down to start a show we've recorded days ago and the second it starts so will she. It is a sharp contrast to life before Emmy, but we're learning not just to adjust, but to embrace it. Sometimes I watch her as she sleeps and just whisper to her how excited I am to know her and show her this world. We have so much to learn together as a family and I could not be more thrilled.